3 years ago, 1 year ago and 4 months

3 years ago today (or maybe yesterday) was when we found out that I have PCOS. That was the day that my entire world fell apart. While I had always wondered if there was something wrong, I always hoped that feeling I had was wrong. Looking back its amazing to see all that God has brought us through. I have often heard that the first year of marriage is that hardest, throughout our first year I didn't see how that could be. For us it was the 3rd and 4th year. After finding out I had PCOS and that we would need medical help to have kids, I felt like I couldn't possibly be the wife that Waylon wanted. He never once blamed me or made me feel like it was my fault that we couldn't have kids, I put the blame on myself. Nothing he could do or say changed the way I felt.  And while I attempted to trust God that there was a purpose for this and that He had a plan, I failed. Somewhere along our journey I heard the song, "Cry on my Shoulder" by Overflow, on the radio, I loved it and needed to find it. Once I had the cd I  would play this song over and over and cry. 

 

You say you're falling apart

Reached the end of the line

Just looking for your place in an ordinary life

No one calls you friend

No one even knows your name

You just want to feel loved instead of all the pain

 

 

(Chorus)

You no longer have to say

No one's listening anyway

Come here and cry on my shoulder

I'll hold you 'til it's over

I'll rescue you tonight

Let My arms be your shelter

Your hiding place forever

I'll love you more than life

 

You're wearing a frown

Given up on hope

My heart is reaching out

More then you will ever know

Is your burden too much?

Is it more then you can bear?

I'll help carry the load if you're willing to share

 

(Chorus)

 

You have had some hard times

Had thorns placed in your side

I know about what you've been going through

Tears of pain are falling down

It hurts so bad you're crying out

Your problems won't last forever

Let Me put you back together

 

(Chorus)

 

Eventually I did allow God to put all the pieces back together. I know that God has used this journey to bring Waylon and I closer together and also closer to himself.  

 

One year ago today was when I peed on a magical little stick that changed everything once again. But this time it didn't shatter my world, but instead filled it with excitement as we celebrated that God had answered our prayers (and the prayers of many friends and family). I had come to the point where I didn't think I'd ever be pregnant, and some days I was ok with that. But I still hoped that maybe one day it might happen. This is a day I'm sure I will remember for a very long time. 

 

Today is Jotham's 4 month birthday. Crazy that he's already so old. And so big. In the past month Jotham has learned how to roll over and has since chosen never to do so again :-). He has begun playing with his toys - grabbing at them and chewing on them. He loves to suck on his hands and fingers. Which makes Jotham go "kh kh".  (Kinda like the kitty). He is in cloth diapers while we are at home, which is 90% of the time. Jotham loves to laugh and smile. He seems to be ticklish under his arms, and silly noises also make him laugh. He loves to work out with me, especially doing leg lifts and he seems to think its so funny when I do sit-ups. He went to his first soccer game this weekend and cheered for Daddy's team, (but they still lost). Today we also went to Jon and Ang's and went for a walk along the river. We had a great time hanging out together, and ate yummy food. Here are a few pics of us on our walk.